[BC] iPod warning

[Alex Hartman]

Or how about this...

This message does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or alter ego; all rights reserved; you may distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice; this message has not been safety tested for children under the age of 3; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; intended solely for the private use of our audience; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; prices may vary in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico; message is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; past performance does not predict future results and people can and do lose money; an equal opportunity message; no shoes, no shirt, no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory - explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this message could be hazardous to your health; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician; may cause drowsiness, alcohol may intensify this effect; use caution when operating a car or dangerous machinery; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; objects in mirror are closer than they appear; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply; contest ends 12-31-98; contents measured by weight only, contents may settle in transit; May cause random outbursts of extreme violence, epileptic seizures, or whatever; actual message may differ from illustration on box.

--
Alex Hartman

On Wed, Nov 17, 2010 at 1:51 PM, Thomas G. Osenkowsky <tosenkowsky at prodigy.net> wrote:
>5. Consumer safety. No user serviceable parts inside. Protects the user from
>dangers of electrocution, poisoning if green energy storage device is
>ruptured.

>6. Ensures integrity of stored information. Data may be lost by improper
>removal or insertion of green energy storage device.

>7. Part 15 FCC Rule compliance. Improper servicing may result in excessive
>RF emissions possibly causing interference to aircraft, public safety or
>government communications or navigation systems.

>8. Unapproved servicing methods may result in tripping over, being strangled
>by, or becoming entangled in headphone apparatus.

>Tom Osenkowsky, CPBE