[BC] EAS breakdown ??

[John Vodenik]

Where was the EAS system when it was really needed?  Pitty these poor 
souls.......




 Hollywood Power Outage Sends City Into Chaos - No electricity for 26
 minutes. 'This is our Tsunami.'
 By Joshua Gates. Actor, Photographer. Victim.

 LOS ANGELES, CA, September 12, 2005 - Horror and disbelief swept through
 the greater Hollywood area this afternoon as a minor power-outage turned
 the city into a virtual war zone, and local residents struggled to deal
 with the devastating aftermath.

 The outage struck at 1:35 PM, during L. A.'s busy afternoon coffee and
 Pilates rush hour. Traffic lights fell dark, local gyms and sushi
 restaurants were without power for nearly 30 minutes and many businesses
 were illuminated only by the light of the sun and its blistering 78
 degree heat. "It was horrible," said out of work actor and voice-over
 artist Rick Shea. "I was in a Jamba Juice on Melrose when it hit and the
 blenders simply shut down. A woman lunged for my Berry Lime Sublime and
 after that, well, it got pretty ugly."

 In the ensuing panic, local radio stations broadcast conflicting reports
 as to exactly which local businesses would be offering relief supplies.
 Almost 100 people flocked to the Starbucks at Santa Monica and La Brea
 only to find helpless baristas, no hot coffee and a totally meager
 selection of baked goods. "My mother is 83 years old, and we heard on
 the radio that this Starbucks was going to be up and running. If she
 doesn't get a venti Arabian Mocha Sanani, I don't know what's going to
 happen to her; I really don't." said Lucinda Merino of Los Feliz. To
 make matters worse, those few people who did manage to get coffee were
 further thwarted by a total lack of artificial sweeteners on site.
 "Sugar in the Raw? Are you friggin' kidding me?" sobbed local homosexual
 and avid salsa dancer, Enrique Santoro. "I'm on the South Beach Diet,
 and my insulin levels are going to go crazy if I use this. Why isn't the
 rest of the country doing something?"

 Deteriorating conditions will force authorities to evacuate the
 thousands of people at local Quiznos, movie theaters and upscale
 shopping centers, including The Beverly Center, where a policeman told
 CNN that unrest was escalating. The officer expressed concern that the
 situation could worsen overnight after patrons defaced multiple "So You
 Think you Can Dance" posters, looted a Baby Gap and demanded free
 makeovers en masse at a MAC cosmetics store during the afternoon.

 At least 2,000 refugees, a majority of them beautiful, will travel in a
 bus convoy to Beverly Hills starting this evening and will be sheltered
 at the 8-year-old Spago on North Canon where soft omelettes with confit
 bacon and Hudson Valley foie gras was being airlifted in by The National
 Guard. Thank heavens.

 Honorary Mayor of Hollywood, Johnny Grant, told a group of embedded
 reporters at a Koo Koo Roo Chicken restaurant on Larchmont that, "The
 scope and scale of this disaster is almost too much to comprehend. Local
 carwashes are at a stand-still, the tram tour at Universal Studios has
 been on hold for almost an hour now, and I've been waiting for a
 rotisserie leg and thigh with a side of green beans for upwards of 15
 minutes. This truly is our Tsunami."

 "We want to accommodate those people suffering in The Beverly Center as
 quickly as possible for the simple reason that they have been through a
 horrible ordeal," Grant said.

 "We need water. We need edamame. We need low-carb bread," said Martha
 Owens, 49, who was one of the thousands trapped in The Beverly Center
 when the escalators stopped moving. "They need to start sending somebody
 through here."

 Along miles of coastline, the power simply surged, causing writers to
 lose upwards of a page of original screenplay material, causing DirecTV
 service to work only intermittently and forcing local residents to walk
 outside and look helplessly at the breathtaking Pacific from their ocean
 view decks. "I can hardly begin to put this experience into words," said
 seasoned Two and a Half Men writer John Edlestein . "I was just getting
 into my rhythm and making some real headway on a scene where Charlie
 Sheen parties with a busload of female volleyball players, when my Power
 Book crapped out. I have nothing. Simply, nothing."

 Delivering his weekly radio address live from the White House, President
 Bush announced he was deploying more than 7,000 additional active-duty
 troops to the region. He comforted victims and praised relief workers.

 "But despite their best efforts, the magnitude of responding to a crisis
 over a disaster area this sunny and trendy has created tremendous
 problems," he said. "The result is that many of our citizens simply are
 not getting the help they need, especially in the Hollywood Hills, and
 that is unacceptable."

 "Southern Californians are resilient. I have no doubt they will bounce
 back like this never happened," professed Cellulite Reduction
 Specialist, Kim Bellevue. "The therapy sessions could reach an all time
 high though."